Insurance and Investments and Cars and Houses

Just writing this down to remind you, Wena, of how you should allocate your money if ever you get plenty already. God we’re getting old, aren’t we? 

PROTECT YOURSELF

1. Emergency Fund. (worth 6 months). Okay before anything, before thinking about big investments and such, Emergency fund. That’s monthly expenses multiplied by six. That’s 30k X 6= 180K. We’re close to reaching that goal except that you just lost your online job.

2. Life Insurance. Before thinking about cars (not really interested) or your dream house or your Euro trip. You want Sput to have enough money when you die, don’t you? Give her at least 4 years of monthly allowance of P30k after your death. That’s enough time so she can at least ready herself to be independent. So that’s P30k x 12 x 4= P1,440,000. That’s just a small amount. Enough so you can still live a good life. Right now you have a Philam Life Vanguard 100 insurance with a 250k face amount (1 million for accident) and a Prulife Whole Life Insurance with a face amount of P500k. So you only need another 700k insurance. Let’s just wait that your income increases a little bit before we purchase another one. But not before 30 I hope so it won’t be so expensive.

3. Health Card. I dunno if you should get one because health cards cost 8k a year. It’s like throwing money.But you definitely need one. Will research on this.

4. Stay Healthy. Grab every chance you get to improve your health. Prioritize naps, breakfast, tea, exercise and meditation.

DELAY THE EXTERNAL

4. Don’t buy a car. Wena, be honest, you don’t really want a car unless you have a driver because it stresses you out and you’re just stupid when it comes to mechanics and directions and shit. So you don’t have to want it if you really don’t just because everyone else has one. So whew! But you do need a car for convenience (hate fx lines and riding a jeep doesn’t get sexier as we age), so the compromise is this: rent a car anytime you really need it. I know it’s not very popular but it’s actually cheaper and stress-free. Let’s say you bought a 500k car second hand. If you rent a car or hire a taxi, that’s 330 rides. I know that looks like a small number and the 500k car would probably last longer, but you’ll spend more with the car with the oils, maintenance, and have  worse it could get carnapped. Besides, you don’t go to the metro everyday with your work. So unless you need to travel everyday and unless you become rich enough to not mind if you spend 500k or more plus driver, then go buy a car. Otherwise, don’t. Buy a car if you decide to relocate  in a smaller city like Cebu coz it’s less stressful. So that’s like…in your 30s probably.

5. Think about your dream house but don’t start making it just yet.Again, you’re not rich. Buying a house is a luxury, not an investment. Once you start making your dream house, trust me you’re going to start buying your dream furniture and dream pool and dream garden. Which is nice if you already have an emergency fund, insurance for 10 years, health card, stocks,businesses. But if you still don’t have all of those and you start making your house, that’s not being wise. Just look for a cheap place to rent. If you think you really need your own place, a condo in the city is a good choice since you can sell/rent it out much easier once you are ready to transfer to your dream house.

SOFT INVESTMENTS THAT ARE ACTUALLY HARD

6. Invest in yourself. Learn how to put on make-up, practice eye contact,etc.Enroll in self-development classes, learn how to do your own make-up, learn the art of small talk, practice good communication skills, buy good clothes, buy a good pen, buy a good phone, have your teeth whitened, get a good journal, and many more. If everything else is gone, say something went wrong to your life insurance policies and you lost your home and investments and car and marriage, ito ang kakapitan mo. You are going to sell yourself and your skills to the world. As long as you know how to deal with people and you are skilled enough, you will rise above any situation.

7. Invest in relationships old and new. They say making friends is getting harder and harder as we get older. I don’t think that is very true if we really try to reach out. Sure, there are babies and wifely duties and work but there’s also facebook, smart phones,meet-up sites such as meetup.com. For face to face interaction, there are seminars, post-grad classes, hobbies, fun runs, and vacations we can easily afford. I know about this for years now but its only recently that I put it to practice. I contacted my Auntie in Cebu whom I haven’t seen in a decade. We met-up and so I met my cousins and their wives all grown-up. Their kids met my kid. Then I met with my high school friends. Then one high school friend wanted to start a small business (the nail salon) with me. And just last week, a friend of a friend called me to do their company video. One connection could lead to many connections so it’s very necessary to be relationship-driven before we turn 30, Wena. Of course you have to make sure you’re trying to establish genuine connections.

THE THINGS YOU ALREADY KNOW

8. Start a business without putting all your eggs in it.

9. Invest in bonds, stocks, etc.

10. Work on making your resume/portfolio/website look good.

Five Things (Dec 2013)

1. Third month of intense hairfall. Went to the derma yesterday and she agreed my hair fall is due to stopping my birth control pill. And that I should be patient because it would take at least 6 months to 1 year for my hair to stop falling. Why didn’t my gynecologist warn me about this when she prescribed the effin pill?!

2. Bought my second life insurance policy. Yey for being mature eh? I plan to leave Marion at least Php 5 mil so I have a long way to go. I prioritize this over a house or a car (err,i really just dont want cars) right now. After insurance, business then investments maybe. Gosh how stiff is my life?

3. I realized that I should invest in good makeup, shoes, personality dev’t. Okay so two days ago I had a meeting at a corporate office (Schneider Electric) and they were all made up and they know how to carry themselves well. They know eye contact, they know how to appear genuine and they act like they really care. I need those if I wish to have a career in selling ideas.

4. Lost my online job. For five years, I blog/tweet/facebook/write copy for a small cd/dvd duplication company in the U.S. I don’t feel sad or scared to be honest. It’s more like…alright woops, its about time. Moneywise, I have an emergency fund but that is all. I don’t want it to run out. que horror! But I have my video making gig (the meeting I had in #3) and the expected money is okay. So I’m not scared because it’s not like nothing is happening. I also plan to open a small nail salon in the province with my friend from high school. I need to save up for that. But losing the online job didn’t stress me out…at least not yet.

5. It’s Marion’s 3rd quarterly exam tomorrow. Lessons are getting very, very hard especially since she is challenged in the attention department. I tried my best and I’m sure she’ll try her best tomorrow. But if she won’t qualify to level up to Grade 1, then I’m totally fine with that. She just turned five anyway. I just can’t deal with the paghahabol sa grades while I’m doing my own paghahabol sa career. I myself repeated third grade and life became much easier. I excelled til college because of that. There’s no need to rush. Well except for my career. That needs a lightning-fast kind of rushing.

Christmas Wishlist:
1. Career opportunities
2. wacom stylus
3. peace of mind
4. my debtors would pay me
5. set of good makeup

Homeward bound with the little muchkin

I’ve been focusing on the importance of community for the past five or so months now. Probably because now that I’m much much older( dyos espiritu santo), I miss my life in the province. there I said it. lahi ra gyud sa probinsya…and it’s a better place for a lady with a family as much as I hate to say it out loud. In Manila, as you get older, the strain caused by daily city traffic and long lines for FX (van) rides cannot be cured by hot bath and tea. And people are less friendly. And it makes me want to scream when I see old people locked up in their badly ventilated living rooms watching cable TV all day long. They make me so fuckin depressed! I don’t want to watch TV all day when I’m old that’s for sure. I’d want to at least be gossiping with my neighbor while we weed out our gardens.

But rwhat I don’t love about living in a lazy town is that it gets boring fast especially when you’re still in the phase of your life where you crave opportunities whether it’s to land a good job, make a career you can be proud of, meet an awesome guy, or hmmm…watch a good movie in the cinema.

Right now, relocating to the province I grew up in seems to me like I’ve given up completely. It’s like I plastered a note on my forehead that says “tried but failed”. It’s like there’s nothing out there and I’m just curling back to my mother’s womb. After studying in the most prestigious university in the Philippines, it’s just not right to go back just yet.

But there’s no rush. There’s no dillema, actually. I’m just going to go back and forth maybe twice a year so We would have a community there (with cousins and plenty of titas) and a community here (yet to be developed). The city gives me hope that anything could happen while the province gives me simple pleasures. So there you go. More trips then. This setup is The Setup until I get tired of it. i just booked a ticket to Cebu (for me and Marion. yes, first trip together without Hugo or nanny so help me God) to visit my noveau rich auntie who I haven’t seen since I gave birth to Marion 5 years ago. She was strict then (still is) and I was very broke then and acted like any angsty 21-year-old who got knocked up. I want Her to meet Marion and I want Marion to experience what it’s like to visit her house thats adorned with lovely Christmas decors from the living room to the garden. Then, we will ride a boat to Palompon because it’s my Mommy V’s 50th birthday. I wonder how we’re supposed to celebrate it given the town’s current situation (no electricity, wrecked houses caused by The Super Typhoon). But I have a feeling it’s going to be warm and fuzzy. Yeah that’s what I miss most. The warmth and fuzziness of a small town.

Five Things (November 2013)

1. Marion’s first therapy session. I’m a bit anxious but I know it’s for the best. I mean, of course!
2. Weekend getaway with my girlfriends.
3.Bates Motel obsession. Actually, the Ed Gein story obsession. Been reading about him for the past few days. Why am I into this kind of sickness. In the words of the Norman Bates in Bates Motel “What’s wrong with meeeee?”
4. Hiraya and endeavour with Banuk to hopefully get away from my boring online job already. I love online work and I’m happy with its perks and convenient (very,very convenient) set-up and pay but…I want something with tangible value..and, I want to meet people. I’ve said this a lot of times but I will make things happen (and i mean for real magkamatayan na) this year.
5. Going home for my mom’s birthday. She’s my stepmom but she’s been with us since I was 6…and she’s the kindest, most enthusiastic (albeit not too motherly) stepmom I know. I owe her a lot. She’s so glad. Priceless.

Now reading: Girlfriend in a Coma
Now listening: Into CCR and Beach Boys lately
Now feeling: Anxious for Marion’s first checkup

Signal Number Four

The terrifying storm Yolanda caused a very big damage in Palompon, the town I grew up in, the place where my mom and dad are at the moment. I have no way of contacting them because the phone lines are busted, the networks are down, and there’s no effin electricity.

Why didn’t I call them a day or two before it hit? It was all over the news, they’re warning us of the most destructive cyclone of the century…what was I thinking then? or…no, no…what wasn’t I thinking then? It’s so strange of me not to worry given how much of a worrywart I am. Have I totally forgotten about the world outside this house? Have I no concern about my parents anymore? I know they’re just fine. I can feel it. But it really makes me think of what I have become.

Now that I'm older...

Okay, I’m journaling while working which would surely have made me happy if i were the me a year ago…I used to feel lucky…like I cheated on an exam while everyone was working their assess off to comply. I used to think ‘wooh, bet others can’t do this with their regular office jobs’ and feel lucky that I can (secretly) do what I want while clocking in my hours. I’m still glad though…a little. just a wee bit.but nothing more. now that i just turned 28, this ‘priviledge’ is a sad one. makes me think that my job is not really that valuable or that it’s so clear that I should be doing something else.

I want to be so immersed in what I do…so much that I won’t be able or won’t have the urge to journal or facebook or pin stuff. I want something more sustainable and valuable than a menial job that allows me to insert snippets of quick escapes.

How I stopped obsessing about health and started worrying about other things

How did I stop worrying about my weird rashes? I worried about bigger problems. Not that I had this planned out, really. I mean, it’s crazy to wish for bigger problems just to stop obsessing about the current one (Oh lord, give me a bigger problem to worry about, something that’s really life-altering so I can forget about my allergies?). No, not like that. Actually, they’ve been there all along. It’s laughable how things to worry about seem to appear like an invited guest, all natural and seamless and ready, unlike the other things in life that I actively planned for (like the call-backs that never happen after sleepless nights of making proposals). But I should not complain. I must not complain.

The things I worried about:

1. My 5-year-old daughter’s “behavioral condition” (attention deficit suggests her teacher but is yet to be confirmed by a specialist next week). I won’t be surprised if they’d diagnose her with ADHD though. My dad has it, my brother has it, my dad’s cousin has it, maybe I have it. I kind of noticed it when she was still two but her teachers just laughed and told me not to worry so much. So, you see, I was really prepared for this kind of news. But I was still floored when I had the one-on-one talk with her teacher during PTA. I was overwhelmed and had a cryfest for a week. My heart felt like it was wrapped in tight plastic and its as if there’s a pingpong ball stuck in my throat. I just wanted to sleep all day. My mom tried to console me “she’s going to be fine”, “she’s going to be a genius” and whatnot, but her words helped only a little. By the end of the week though, I started to feel lighter. The songs were songs again, sunshine was sunshine again, the food tasted okay and my hygiene was back to normal. I don’t know how the burden eased but it did, it just did. I guess any kind of pain becomes softer after a while. I still get teary-eyed now and then (when Marion performed in ballet class and I —and maybe everyone else—noticed that she’s all fidgety and just can’t sit still and listen while the rest of her classmates were so attentive and prim; during the FAmily Day at her school and it’s lunchtime and she wanted to sit with a group of snotty little girls but they shooed her away so she just sat beside me). It will take me a while before I can be strong, the kind that’s not just for show…the kind that’s not just to conceal worry or pain or to prevent the urge to shout at people and say “my daughter is one fine kid!”. I’d need time and a some sense of humor to be a good mom again. and money, I need money. I always think about money, I know…which leads to my second worry.

2. My partner’s lack of drive. I’m well aware I didn’t ‘marry’ a tycoon but I was 21 then and pregnant and it was still cool to be damaged and weird at that time. Now, you just can’t be cool and damaged anymore. It’s like smoking in your 60s or having the break-up blues in your 40s. Anyway, I hate him for his obsession with computer games, lego and TV when he’s 42 and we have a future to think about…we’re just renting a house, we have no car, he has no savings, etc etc…so what is he doing with his free time ( and he has lots!). He said he’s content and happy when really, I just know he is not. He looks so sad and he’s broke 20 days a month. And now that he plays his computer games almost 30 hours a week, and I urged him (using kind words, in a gentle manner and all that) that we start a food business and he didn’t budge…I raised both hands and surrendered. I just can’t do it anymore. It’s better to do things 100 percent than to expect your partner to do 50 percent or 70 percent but you only get 20. That’s how I felt. That’s how I feel. Right now, we decided to stay together but not as a couple. I am certain this is going nowhere but he’s a good dad and a very,very kind person it’s so hard for me to end everything just like that. Plus, it doesn’t help that I’m an INFJ in the Myerr’s Briggs. It says there that I would have a hard time leaving an unhealthy relationship because I’m a fucking nurturer (no, it doesn’t say fucking, that’s me saying fucking because I hate being a wimp). Well, l’m just hoping things would be a LOT better for both of us (separately) so that it would be easier for us to separate. Would it be easier? I suppose so. But what’s clear is that We haven’t kissed or made love for two months. It’s also clear that I got angry when he chatted up with a girl for what seemed like an hour during Marion’s ballet performance. Oh well. I hope everything will be better soon. At the very least I’m relieved that I won’t have to care about his video game addiction and lack of drive and health and age and all the other things I used to worry about while we were still a couple.

Hypochondria the destroia

I was unable to function for two weeks because all I ever did (or was able to do, to be exact and forgiving of myself) was Google endlessly about my fuckin health. I tried really hard to not think about lupus and other illnesses that could be the bigger problem but fuck I just want to know what it is. It’s exactly one month since I got hives when I scratch myself (dermatographism) and it’s affecting my life every single day. I know some people would say I’m just being paranoid, that my suggestions are too far off (my derma said so), but it doesn’t mean it’s just nothing. I remember someone said “I’m paranoid but it doesn’t mean it’s not out there to get me.” Exactly how I felt. So anyways, I had my blood checked for lupus or RA, came back negative thank god! Hugo shoved the result to my face as if to say “here, eat this! After all the nervousness you’ve caused everyone in the house.” I hate him for it but who cares anymore? I don’t have fucking lupus. But then when I got home and was about to start working, my hands typed ANA Blood test+lupus+percentage. Fuck this head! But I can’t stop myself. So I found out that: if it’s negative, it’s not negative all the way. That there’s also a 3% chance that the test gives a false negative. I kept reading and reading…after an hour I told myself to stop, that I’m crazy and that I should be working already. But then I checked the clock and it’s 11am, close to lunchtime…so I decided to just read and read some more til lunchtime. After lunch, I worked for an hour but then I got paranoid again (it’s like an itch, it is) and decided to stop working and just read and read about my possible illness. It was like that for two fucking weeks. I think I’ve read more than 200 web pages about illnesses. Ask me about lupus or dermatographism or chikungunya, and we can talk for hours.

NOTE: After I posted this, I Googled warm+stomach because my stomach does feel warm on some occasions. I do notice it, I’m not just being paranoid. It does feel like it’s poured w/ a small teacup of warm water now and then.

Dermatographism and desperation.

I have the skin allergies again. My skin started to get raised rashes over a week ago, about the same time my left joint/nerve on my foot started to hurt when I go up or down the stairs. When I scratch a spot, it starts to get reddish and it starts to have that raised (embossed) look. Not sexy. I googled and the best match I could find was dermatographia.

Dermatographia is a condition also known as skin writing. When people who have dermatographia lightly scratch their skin, the scratches redden into a raised wheal similar to hives.

I hate it when nothing’s happening to my life and I’ve anticipated too long…failed, hoped again, worked at things again, but still…nothing’s happening AGAIN. I have yet to to see a doctor but I think I know what my body is allergic to: Desperation.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Marion: I want to be a DRAWINGER and a TUMBLINGER

(without thinking hard, without hesitation, without batting an eyelash)

Thirty

Everything is getting harder these days.

Waking up is harder. Dieting is harder. Exercising is harder. Commuting is harder. Going to work is harder. Trying to like people is harder. Party-ing is harder. Saying no is harder. Saying yes is harder. Finishing a book is harder. Heck, finishing anything is harder. Washing dishes is harder. Grocery shopping is harder. Sticking to a routine is harder. Getting back on track is harder. Trying something new is harder. Pretending to love everything about your life is harder.

(The guy with the 6-digit paycheck and a fully-paid bachelor’s pad would tell you otherwise; He’d tell you that life, in fact, gets easier as you get older. You just need to work hard. Now isn’t that right)