Hypochondria the destroia

I was unable to function for two weeks because all I ever did (or was able to do, to be exact and forgiving of myself) was Google endlessly about my fuckin health. I tried really hard to not think about lupus and other illnesses that could be the bigger problem but fuck I just want to know what it is. It’s exactly one month since I got hives when I scratch myself (dermatographism) and it’s affecting my life every single day. I know some people would say I’m just being paranoid, that my suggestions are too far off (my derma said so), but it doesn’t mean it’s just nothing. I remember someone said “I’m paranoid but it doesn’t mean it’s not out there to get me.” Exactly how I felt. So anyways, I had my blood checked for lupus or RA, came back negative thank god! Hugo shoved the result to my face as if to say “here, eat this! After all the nervousness you’ve caused everyone in the house.” I hate him for it but who cares anymore? I don’t have fucking lupus. But then when I got home and was about to start working, my hands typed ANA Blood test+lupus+percentage. Fuck this head! But I can’t stop myself. So I found out that: if it’s negative, it’s not negative all the way. That there’s also a 3% chance that the test gives a false negative. I kept reading and reading…after an hour I told myself to stop, that I’m crazy and that I should be working already. But then I checked the clock and it’s 11am, close to lunchtime…so I decided to just read and read some more til lunchtime. After lunch, I worked for an hour but then I got paranoid again (it’s like an itch, it is) and decided to stop working and just read and read about my possible illness. It was like that for two fucking weeks. I think I’ve read more than 200 web pages about illnesses. Ask me about lupus or dermatographism or chikungunya, and we can talk for hours.

NOTE: After I posted this, I Googled warm+stomach because my stomach does feel warm on some occasions. I do notice it, I’m not just being paranoid. It does feel like it’s poured w/ a small teacup of warm water now and then.